Accepting God's Will Over Your Expectations
Three years ago this evening, a college friend of mine passed from a fatal bike accident. This time of mourning hurt a little differently because it didn't make sense. He was a healthy, ambitious, educated, 27 yr old with his entire life ahead of him and it was suddenly cut short. But whose timeline and expectations was I following?
2014
Monday, March 31st -
10:45PM: My mother and I are singing ballads in my room prepping for our family karaoke competition. We're just having mother-daughter fun and being silly. Today was definitely a good day. I see a call from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile and excitedly answer the call.
10:57PM: Frantic and confused, my friend urges me to check Instagram. I'm trying ask her what's wrong? She just responds, "have you read the post? Tell me he's wrong." I read the message to her aloud and it appears that our mutual friend has just posted on Instagram about the death of another college classmate of ours. WAIT...WHAT?! R.I.P. WHO?! I immediately hang up and begin making my own calls and fact checking. Blame the journalist in me, but this simply cannot be real.
I make one call and the person immediately confirms the absolute worst from the fatal accident scene. Three hours prior, (7:00PM) I learned our friend was involved in a deadly motorcycle accident on his way home, in his neighborhood, seconds away from his home. LITERALLY SECONDS AWAY FROM HOME.
Within the hour, his family and fraternity brothers arrived to the scene. Drowned in disbelief, they witness the paramedics carry our mutual friend's body bag to the ambulance. Who would have known their conversation less than 2 hours ago would be their last.
Tuesday, April 1st -
"APRIL FOOL'S!" Is all I could think of the next morning. This had to be an April Fool's joke. But the news had made through the all the social media channels. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Everyone's post was the same. "R.I.P." "I can't believe this is happening." "This can't be real." "This doesn't make sense."
Because quite frankly, it did not make sense. This man was 27, educated, tall, attractive, full of ambition, a sound career path, a great friend and family man. And most importantly, he had a heart for God and was steadily working on his spiritual relationship with Him.
I went on to work and drowned myself in Gospel songs the entire day. I was just going through the motions of the day, but not really present. Tuesdays are bible study days at my church. So after work, I arrived to church but still in a slight daze. I hadn't said much for the entire day, but at the end of our small group, the group leader asked for prayer requests. I mustered up some sound in my voice to pray for my friend. I don't think the sounds were very clear as they asked what hospital he was in. So I had to speak louder and make clear he was already dead and I just bust into tears. Like the tears you can't even breathe through. I am not an emotional person and I am never the one to cry in public, but this was my first real outpouring of emotion since I received the news. I am usually the one encouraging others with scripture, but who was going to encourage me? I just allowed my vulnerability to settle in and receive the comfort and care of the saints. I needed to let it all out. I needed to be replenished.
I cried out to God daily - not just for myself, but for his family and friends. For joy, acceptance and peace. God's peace which surpasses all understanding. I meditated on scripture throughout the day and updated my thoughts of comfort on social media to minister to myself and my friends.
Credit: The Christian Perspective (Instagram)
Then I came across another message, that really brought everything together for me. This post by Rob Hill, Sr. says that some of our pain, defiance, disobedience, confusion are all rooted in the expectations we have for our lives. What if we traded our life expectations for accepting and trusting in God's will.
Credit: Rob Hill, Sr. (Instagram)
And there it is. Understanding that God has His hand on everything that goes on in our lives. Understanding that Jesus reigns in heaven AND earth. Understanding that life happens not according to our will and expectations, but is solely aligned with God's will and expectations. Understanding that if God's eye is on the sparrow, how much more does He keeps His eye on us and kept His eyes and hand on my friend. Understanding that the root of handling death is letting go of the expectations you had of that person because their assignment was not ordered from you, but from God. We hurt because we feel as though the deceased did not live their life, they are missing out on something, they did not enjoy all the pleasures of the world. No he will not get married, have children, watch his niece and nephew grow up or be the best man in his best friend's wedding. But if we're honest, these are all earthly plans. Of course, we miss and mourn the person and presence they had in our life. But in any occasion of death, (person, friendships, relationships, situations, etc.) we mourn "What could have been". We have to put to rest "what could have been" and allow God to make room for the acceptance and peace for "what is". Why? Because it's in that moment, we surrender and give full authority to God. We realize our true position in this world and see God for who He really is. God is our comforter, provider, healer, He is the great I AM, He is the author, creator of our lives.
Credit: M. H. (Instagram)
Tuesday, April 8th -
My deceased friend had posted the above picture a few weeks before his death. This picture resonated with me because it looks like he was moving on from one place to another. In my spiritual imagination, like he is going home. By the time of the viewing and funeral, I was still sad, but at peace. When I viewed his body, it was just confirmation that he was not here. His body was in this casket, but He, himself, the guy I was mourning for was not there. It was just a body, a body that looked like him. At that moment, it was real for me. He was gone, but I knew God had him; and there was no purpose in "holding on" to someone who isn't here. I was sad, but at peace. There's peace is knowing that he died doing something he enjoyed and bike riding is what he enjoyed. As in the photo caption, itt was his figurative and now literal "release".